Can Life Be Lived With No Libido at All? No Sex Ever?

Quick, how many sexual orientations are there? Most people say three: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. But now a growing research literature suggests there’s a fourth, asexual, feeling no sexual attraction to
anyone—ever.
Asexuality is controversial. Sexologists have not settled on a consensus definition. The condition’s true prevalence remains unclear. And while some sexologists call asexuality a psychosexual disorder, others insist it’s a normal variation and not a problem.

Asexual Vs. Non-Sexual
Plenty of people have little or no partner sex, those who: lack partners, choose celibacy, have severe low libido, live in isolation, suffer medical or psychological conditions that preclude partner sex, or simply prefer to abstain. They are able to feel erotic attraction to others, but don’t act on it. They are non-sexual.
Asexuality is different. It goes beyond abstinence from partner sex to not feeling any sexual attraction to people of either gender. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) uses these terms and definitions:
• Asexual: someone who feels no sexual attraction to anyone. However, asexuals may experience other forms of interpersonal magnetism:
     • Aesthetic attraction—feeling drawn to another based on appearance.      
     • Romantic attraction—a desire for love and intimacy apart from sex.
     • Sensual attraction—a desire for affectionate touch but not erotic play.
     • Gray-sexual. Someone who occupies the gray area between sexual and asexual. Gray-sexuals occasionally feel erotic attraction, but rarely.
     • Demi-sexual. Someone who experiences sexual attraction only after a firm friendship or romantic bond has been established.
Some sexologists reserve the term “asexual” for those who have never in their entire lives felt sexual attraction for anyone of either gender. Others say that chronic very low libido—what the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), the handbook of psychological problems, called “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” before it stopped using the term—qualifies as asexuality. AVEN says people must decide for themselves if they are sexual, demi-sexual, gray-sexual, or asexual.
Voluntary celibacy, the erotic restrictions associated with the Catholic priesthood, applies to both masturbation and partner sex. But many asexuals masturbate, particularly men. They just don’t have partner sex. Asexuals feel no interpersonal sexual attraction, but that’s not a factor in solo sex.
Asexuality is different from sexual aversion, which involves debilitating anxiety about partner sex or disgust or revulsion at the thought of sex. Asexuals don’t suffer aversion. They’re simply not interested. Researchers wired the genitals of sexual, sex-averse, and asexual folks and showed them erotic videos. Heterosexuals and homosexuals became aroused when they viewed opposite-sex or same-sex videos. People with sexual aversion reacted negatively to X-rated media. Asexuals remained neutral.

How Many People Are Asexual?

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Sexologists first described asexuality in the late-1970s, but only in the past 25 years have they estimated its prevalence.
• In 1991, English researchers surveyed 13,765 UK residents ages 16 to 44 and found that 0.9 percent had never had partner sex.
• In 2004, another English team surveyed 18,000 UK residents ages 16 to 59 and found that 1.05 percent said they’d never felt sexually attracted to anyone.
• In 2001, the English scientists who’d conducted the 1991 study did another involving 12,110 people—0.4 percent claimed lifelong sexual abstinence.
• In 2010, U.S. researchers asked 12,571 Americans about sexual attraction and found that 0.8 percent of the women and 0.7 percent of the men said they were not sure if they’d ever experienced any.
So it appears that somewhere between 0.5 and 1 percent of the population—one person in 100 to 200—considers themselves asexual.

Asexuals in Relationships
Plenty of people in couples have little or no sex, so sex is not necessary for functional long-term attachment. Compared with the general population asexuals are more likely to be single, but depending on the study, 15 to 33 percent are cohabitating or married in straight or gay relationships. AVEN says that asexuals can have successful long-term relationships without sex if the two spouses share aesthetic, romantic, and sensual attraction.
Meanwhile, many asexuals in relationships have sex with their partner to satisfy the spouse’s needs and to affirm the intimacy of the relationship. Some just go through the motions. Others may participate enthusiastically, but feel no desire for the sex.

Born That Way?
It’s not clear if asexuality is innate or acquired. Some asexuals insist they were born that way. Others have engaged in partner sex but compared with the general population, played fewer childhood sex games (e.g. spin the bottle), became sexual later in life (in one study, first intercourse at age 20.6), had fewer sexual relationships , and less sex within them.
Not surprisingly, asexuals, particularly women, report disproportionately high rates of sex problems and less sexual satisfaction. But asexual men suffer erection difficulties on a par with sexual men.

The Pendulum Swings
Early sex researchers—Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s and Masters and Johnson in the 1960s—assumed that everyone was sexual. In the 1990s, sexologists began focusing on desire and realized that some people had little or none. They viewed desire as “normal,” so therefore, lack of desire had to be “abnormal.” This was reflected in the DSM of the day, which included detailed descriptions of “sexual aversion disorder” and “hypoactive female desire disorder.”
But the latest edition, DSM-5, has deleted these two “disorders,” incorporating them into more general discussions of desire and arousal issues. Some sexologists and much of the public still considers total lack of erotic interest abnormal, but the clear trend is to consider it non-pathological with sexual orientation expanding from three categories to four: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

The Social Challenges of Asexuality
Most asexuals feel fine about themselves. The problem is other people’s reactions. Recently, a 25-year-old asexual woman wrote “Dear Abby” complaining about being misunderstood. “When I ‘come out’ to people, they want to know what’s wrong with me. Is it a hormonal imbalance? Was I molested? Am I secretly gay? No, no, and no. And they often make rude or vulgar comments. One man even suggested that sex with him would ‘fix’ me.”

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Abby was supportive: “Don’t become defensive when people make ignorant comments.”
If you’re interested in a sympathetic view of asexuality, visit AVEN.
And if any of you readers are asexual, demi-sexual, or gray-sexual, I’d be very interested in your perspectives.

References:
Aiken, C.R.H. et al. “Who Reports Absence of Sexual Attraction in Britain? Evidence from National Probability Surveys,” Psychology & Sexuality (2013) 4:121.
Bogaert, A.F. “Asexuality: What It Is and Why It Matters,” Journal of Sex Research (2015) 52:362.