My partner's penis is putting me off sex: A must Read

I’ve been with my partner for just over a year and things are generally good between us. He’s affectionate and caring and we’re really close. But I don’t
think he washes his penis properly and when we have sex I’m aware of a really bad smell and it totally turns me off. I’ve always enjoyed oral sex in previous relationships but I just can’t face it with him so I do my best to avoid it. I know I should talk to him about it but I’m worried he’ll be really offended – how do I bring it up?
Ammanda says...
Well, there’s the ‘light touch’ way or there’s the sledgehammer approach. The problem is that neither may work. If you drop hints, run baths and showers or buy nice smelling products he may get the hint - but just as likely not. If you just launch into it and tell him how unpleasant you find the smell of his penis, he may never speak to you again. No one likes to be told that their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired (although some may ultimately be grateful). So something that gets the message across but allows him to retain his dignity is probably the more promising way of dealing with what is really quite a common issue between couples.
Each of us might assume that we know what ‘clean’ means. The trouble is that a partner may have a different take on this. Where one of you feels that having a shower or bath a day helps you to face the world (and sex), your other half might think that a quick wash of the vital areas ticks all the boxes. Many women worry about how their vagina smells and sometimes actively avoid oral sex, or any sex because they’re concerned their other half may be revolted when in fact the aroma from a healthy vagina can be really arousing to a partner. That said, lack of basic hygiene can lead to all sorts of problems, including infections that may or may not involve unpleasant smells and discharge. Always get anything like this checked out as there may be health implications for both partners, particularly where oral or penetrative sex is concerned.
It sounds as though you have a good relationship. Use that. Choose a time when sex is not on the agenda and you’re both feeling it’s a good moment to talk. Probably best to say how much you enjoy sex with him but that you’ve noticed a smell coming from his penis that makes you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps suggest that you’re worried about it for him as much as you because you want to be sure he’s OK. Ask him if he’s noticed anything himself. Even if he’s embarrassed to begin with, if you can reassure him that you see this as a ‘technical’ problem and not as a comment on him as a person, hopefully he will do something about it. But do be clear that you expect him to take action and see a GP if necessary. If you’re struggling, you may like to read our tips on talking to your partner about sex or trying Sex Therapy.
Although it’s difficult, do try to talk with him about this. If you don’t, it’s likely that sex with him will become more of a chore than a pleasure and I’m sure neither of you wants that to happen.