Women Do Make the First Move…But it may not be the move you’re expecting.
My friends Suzie and
Jake* met at a bar. Suzie had recently broken up with her ex and she was dressed to kill. Suzie and Jake made eye contact as Suzie scanned the bar upon our arrival. She smiled and then looked away. Soon afterwards they made eye contact again. (Suzie would later describe this to us as “meaningful eye contact.”) After a few more flirtatious glances and a few drinks, Jake approached Suzie and asked her to dance. They ended up dancing together all night, kissing in the parking lot, and Jake asked her to have lunch the next day. Who would you say made the first move in this scenario? Many people believe that Jake made the first move because he approached Suzie and asked her to dance, but you may be surprised to learn that Suzie may have made the first move before she even left home that evening.
Researcher Monica Moore reviewed five decades worth of research on courtship behavior and found that many of the most common strategies for signaling interest in a potential partner were nonverbal, such as eye contact, eyebrow flashing, open body posture, and smiling.1 She also found that women are most likely to use these subtle nonverbal signals first, while men are more likely to use more overt signals, such as verbal or sexual initiation, but later in the interaction. In essence, she argues that these subtle behaviors by women grant permission for men to initiate conversation. In fact, she also suggests that men who are more sensitive to these nonverbal behaviors may have more successful dating outcomes.
Other researchers suggest that the first move happens even before women leave their homes. For example, women report increased interest in sex when they are closer to ovulation, especially with men who are not their primary partners.2 They also may choose to dress more sexily when they are in the most fertile portion of their menstrual cycle.3 Women may choose to wear clothes which reveal more skin 3 or they may choose to wear the color red as a signal of sexual interest.4 For example, researchers Elliot and Pazda 4 found that women who were more interested in casual sex were more likely to wear red in their online dating profile photos. Of course men may also try to make themselves more sexually appealing before they leave home. For example, building muscle tone and hair styling may be done in order to improve future sexual desirability.1 If we consider all of these behaviors to be “the first move” it is difficult to determine who makes the first move or even when those moves are made.
However, the consensus among researchers suggests that women are more active in the earliest stages of courtship,1,4,5 and that men are more active in initiating verbal conversation and sexual behavior. These subtle nonverbal behaviors that women use to signal their interest may offer an advantage to women, such that they can evaluate potential partners before committing to pursuing them.1
An important caveat for those hoping to capitalize on these subtle signals of sexual interest: just because women are making these signals doesn’t necessarily mean they are directed towards you. Furthermore, as stated above, women may use these signals to evaluate you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to have sex with you.
For more information about these fascinating topics, check out our book The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships at https://he.palgrave.com/page/detail/?sf1=barcode&st1=9781137324825 or on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Social-Psychology-Attraction-Romantic-Relationship...
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*All names have been changed
Source: lipstick/Kris Kesiak/Flickr
1 Moore, M. M. (2010). Human nonverbal courtship behavior—A brief historical review. The Journal of Sex Research, 47, 171-180. DOI: 10.1080/00224490903402520 http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224490903402520
2 Gangestad, S. W., Thornhill, R., & Garver, C. E. (2002). Changes in women’s sexual interests and their partners’ mate-retention tactics across the menstrual cycle: Evidence for shifting conflicts of interest. Porceedings of the Royal Society of London, 269, 975-982. DOI: 10.1098/rspb.2001.1952 http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/269/1494/975
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